Life can be chaotic, which is good when you need to reassess your priorities, and a key part of making progress: You need to take something apart to fix it, or to build something new.
That being said, chaos can easily become the norm, which is dangerous. We all need something that we can depend on, whether that’s a person who will always be there, a skill you’ll never forget, or a job that will always need doing. Consistency keeps you grounded. Without consistency structure fails, and without structure you can’t orient yourself properly, meaning you can’t pick a direction.
If I write sporadically, I can't gauge how my work is developing. I can't compare myself to other authors, I can only compare my work to their work. I can't see which direction I'm heading, and so I can't decide which direction I want to take: I can't situate myself.
I think that's why consistency is comforting, it grounds us in reality.
I suppose that's the allure of doing something you know you’ll regret: Regret is something that you know you can rely on, it’s a cheap bit of comfort that you’ll always have in your back pocket.
Mistakes can easily become bad habits because they satisfy that need for consistency. As they become bad habits, they start to provide you with structure, which is settling. You feel like you’re getting somewhere, because you are. You're legitimately working towards something, even if that thing is lung cancer.
Once a habit's built and you're invested in it, to stop would be a huge sacrifice, you'd lose structure and direction. It robs you of everything you've built from it: no more smoke breaks at work; no more coffee dates with your friends; no more instagram before bed.
Ask yourself: What do you get from these habits? Are you going out for a cigarette or to escape the office? How great would it be to confidently rely on yourself at your worst?
Find that consistency elsewhere and build structures you want to be a part of, you’ll find yourself heading in a much better direction. This could be any healthy routine: exercise, painting, singing, yoga, the pub. Something positive that you’re likely to stick to.
Embrace the chaos around you: explore how shit you feel sober; see what happens without that friend; hate how much of a struggle that hobby’s become. Face it head on before it consumes you, because the embrace of chaos is soft silky smooth.
Do both of these things simultaneously. The world won't stop for you.
Continuously adjust your standards: On monday you might try for 5 cigarettes and have 10, try for 8 tomorrow. If you manage that for a few days, go down to 6. If you have 6 every day for a week then 20 on a bad day. Your standard is still 6. Don't excuse yourself, you're the only person who can do anything about it, and you’re just making it harder in the long run.
I’ll write more about my experience with bad habits sometime in the future but this is what I think you ought to know. Don’t think that any one thing does or doesn't work, just ask yourself if it helps. You should take all the help you can get. Whatever feelings crop up, addressing them will make you stronger. You’re likely to feel scared, weak or embarrassed at the thought of quitting. These are all reasons to quit, your room for improvement.
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